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  • Divorce

  • Everyone who marries expects their marriage to be successful. However, statistically at least 20 percent of all first marriages fail within five years. Additionally, 48 percent of marriages are dissolved before they reach 20-years. This is based on data collected in 2006-2010, and compiled by the government’s National Survey of Family Growth. Separation and divorce are extremely emotional and difficult events for all parties concerned. However it is possible to have a healthy relationship with the former spouse.

    Cooperation, Communication and Mediation

    The end of a marriage typically results in surge of negative emotions.  These can include anger, grief, anxiety and fear. Sometimes these feelings erupt when least expected. This may stun the individual and catch them at a low moment. Responses such as the ones mentioned above, are normal.  In most cases, and over time, the intensity of these feelings will become weaker and weaker.. As the person is moving through this process, it is important to be kind.. Researchers have found that individuals who are compassionate, allow for mistakes, have an easier time with the daily difficulties of divorce.

    Divorce is not a battle with winners and losers. It is the legal break-up of a marriage that has not succeeded. Recently, many couples are turning to divorce mediation as an alternative to a courtroom and legal proceedings. Trying to resolve issues with the soon to be ex-spouse can be frustrating and seldom result in a satisfactory arrangement.  Often the problems that contributed to divorce re-emerge during mediation and negotiations. Research shows that mediation with a third objective person can be beneficial for emotional needs, relationships with the spouse and address the children’s needs.

    Many people feel that speaking with the soon-to-be-ex-spouse is a low priority.  Even so, communication can make divorce healthier for all parties involved. The goal of divorce mediation is to reach a mutual agreement and make coordinated decisions with a minimum of conflict.

    When Kids Are Involved

    Separation and divorce are some of the most traumatic experiences for children at any age.  In most circumstances the children have bonded with both parents. However, some research suggests that the majority of children adjust well within a two year period. In contrast, children experience more problems when parents remain in high-conflict marriages.  During separation, mediation and divorce, parents can assist the children with the transition. Most important is to keep the children away from any open conflict.